Sunday, January 24, 2010

Week Four - My Small Change

OK - here it is....and if you know me, this is HUGE.......I will attempt to say NO!    Saying "No, I can't do that" always carried the omen that I was inadequate.   Growing up in an alcoholic household you didn't want anyone to notice you for not doing something.  At the same time you were the over achiever who was always trying to please because again you wanted no adverse attention....... Somehow I got it twisted in my head that I was a failure if I did not produce.   No pointing fingers at my childhood or placing blame my parents ....remember I twisted it in my head all by myself.  It is just the reality of who I am today.   I am not feeling sorry for myself.....but rather am trying to have a better self-awareness and use that knowledge to make a small change.  To continue as I have and think it will change all by itself they say, the definition of insanity.  (To conitnue to do the same thing and expect a different  outcome is insanity.)  I need a catalyst and this week, it will be to say "No" at least once.  Or maybe it is I need to overcome the urge to say "Yes" to anything that comes my way.  Same difference.

I fall into the same pitfall with my family, with friends and at work.....turn myself inside out to be everything to everyone so no one can point at me and say....."you didn't do 'whatever'...."  Others say I overextend myself .   I really don't feel I overextend myself, I just do more than most.   I do alot and it may be an overextension.......because no one sees the cartwheels I sometimes do behind the scenes to complete a task.   I can remember overhearing a friend say once.......'give it to her to do, she won't mind.' And when assigned whatever the task, I rose to the occasion.   It is just like any committee or at work, you give it to the busy person.   It is fair, no, but up to this point I have given permission to those that bring tasks to my doorstep.  Point is you teach people how to treat you and my method of taking it all on has not earned me respect but rather the perception that no matter what the job, what the cost, she'll will get it done.    I am the doormat!

No more.  It is time to teach people how to treat me and my first step is to say "NO!, I can't do that."   There are GIVERS and TAKERS in this world and I know which line I am in and I can live with that.

So on my quest to make small changes, I will attempt to say "No" this week at least once.  It will not mean that the world around me will collapse.   Moreover, it doesn't by any means indicate I am a failure because I choose to say No.  But rather it is setting of the parameters of the load to be given to me............there needs to be time left for me and not the unending list of what I have become obligated to others.   

This week I will make the small change to say No instead of jumping to attention and feeling I have to be the one to fix everything.

I have updated my previous posted with pix.  Enjoy!


SparkCrafted said...

just get all those no's out of the way before our superfun trip north on thursday!!!!!

Anonymous said...

You go girl, Take a stand . I too come from an alcoholic home and had to do the same. It's a little uncomfortable at first but the more you do it it will come easier.

wishing you strength,

stitchinfiend said...

Good for you learning to say NO. I have just been listening to a CD on this very thing.

CindyMae said...

Good for you!!! Some of us have a really hard time saying no and it can be a really bad thing at times!! Good luck!